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Sex for one – Why masturbation is the key to a better sex life

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Sex for one – Why masturbation is the key to a better sex life


I often get asked, “How do I become a better lover?”

As with most things about relationships, love and sex, our education is limited and often reduced to warnings of what might go wrong. Many of us grew up with misleading information about sex, to the point that I heard some people still believe that masturbation will make you go blind!

 

The answer to the initial question is simply ‘practice, practice, practice’. The same way we get good at a job through years of repetition or become extremely fit by consistently pushing our muscles beyond limits, we can discover all the amazing ways our body enjoys pleasure through what the ancient Chinese call ‘self-cultivation’.

 

If you’ve never allowed yourself the joy of self-pleasure you may experiment with the approach below:

 

Hot Date for One

Set a time when you are free from work: Sundays are great self-love days! Clear your schedule and your mind so you can put all your worries behind.

 

Have a nice mani-pedi or go buy yourself some sexy lingerie. Get some scented candles, arousing massage oils or a daring sensual perfume. Take a long hot shower or a nice bubble bath, put your new lingerie on and some fabulous sexy music. And enjoy!

 

Start caressing your body, mindful of each little sensation. Start with the lips, softly running your fingers down the side of your face then down your neck and chest. Lightly massage your breasts and reach under the bra to uncover your soft nipples. Notice their shape, size and colour and flick them up and down gently, try pinching them a little and see what feels good. When they are all hard and perky (as they will be!) you can continue the gentle feather-light strokes down your abdomen. Feel the shivers when you come near your pubic area, exploring this space all around, feeling the softness and being really mindful of any emotions that come up. You may feel joy or something that feels closer to fear (but trust me it’s just excitement).

 

When you feel comfortable, reach down your genitals and feel the softness, noticing the shape, temperature, any tingling or warmth. These are all indications your body is responding to the attention and is getting ready to experience pleasure.

 

At this point in time, there may be a lot of thoughts coming up. Like how this is a bad thing and that you may burn in hell or something. (Trust me you won’t. If there is a heaven, I am SURE this is exactly what all the angels are doing).

 

Gently explore your vulva with your fingers, once again focusing on the feel of skin, the slight swelling and increased lubrication….

You will notice a little hot point or nub which is your clitoris (the only organ in the human body entirely designed for pleasure!).

 

Now things are getting hotter and you can get REALLY creative in the way you play with this little euphoria-inducing button. Experiment with different strokes (up/down and side to side, more focus on the left or the right, different levels of pressure and speed) and simply observe your sensations. Make mental notes of where it feels really good and where nothing happens (it’s perfectly normal) and just keep going.

Remember you are not doing this for the purpose of reaching orgasm but simply as an exploration so just keep going with curiosity and wonder. Your body will reward you with a LOT of pleasure if you keep exploring.

 

Wherever this is taking you, enjoy the moments you are spending connecting with yourself and remember these sensations when you are with a partner. You can tell him or show him where your body responds best to different types of touch, this way allowing him to take you to new heights of pleasure.

 

And just remember practice makes perfect!

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